WILL

What is it that wills us to get up and put on the running shoes? The answers would have me addressing the subject much longer than I choose or you may want to read. Inner will expressed outwardly drives runners to do what most people believe they can not or "Will" not do. It propels them forward into the realm that they seek while they run.  I know for a fact it is inside everyone of us, the tenacity that is capable of producing change and ofttimes well being. I should be running right now instead of writting this, but my will as of late has been tested. So I must write my way through it and then the run will occur.

I have been tested heavily 2 times this month alone and my will has been questioned by me and others. My 8 year old son told me something extremely disturbing about another student and what that student said to him. It kicked off a series of events that had me literally sick to my stomach and at times in tears. Deciding a course to do my daily North Shore runs on is in no way different than what I chose to do in this matter. It is of the essence that I run, no denying that, and it is of the utmost essence that I support and protect my Son. No sooner than a resolution was reached by his school, one that left no winners I must add, I was informed, the very same day, that my Brother had died rather unexpectedly. It is the worst kind of phone call to ever have to receive. It is one you cannot simply run from but must run directly into. What happens when we will something to not be, that simply cannot be reversed, is that we spin out of control. Death is the denier for many. We seem to be ill prepared for it as a society and often push the subject under the rug. My poor 8 year old, after all that his bravery put him through when he came forward with disclosure of what he heard, having then to be told his Uncle was gone, was too much too soon. Life's cruel moments occur no matter how insidious they may be. A family member gone, students and teachers gone, and my will to run taken from me.

One thing I have learned about running is that when you feel you cannot or will not be able to run for reasons other than a physical injury, it is at that very moment that you need the run the most. Running while physically injured occurs all the time, runners at times are not smart beings, and we set ourselves up to fail further down the road, but running through the mental baggage is of the utmost essence. Heading right into your obstacles always makes you stronger and restores a sense of balance, even if it be a temporary one until the next run occurs. I do not profess to know the exact science of just why this is but it is. I recall an old Bob Dylan song with the lyrics "You don't need a weatherman to know which way the winds blows" I just know as does any other runner reading this. The roads and trails offer solace to the weary and answers to the seekers. They offer guidance and structure and frame our lives with a routine that produces a canvas of our choosing and a clarity that helps us wind our way through life's more trying moments and helps us to enjoy the simpler more pleasurable ones.

My Brother most likely did not leave a Will and that will make the process of his estate a bit more complicated, but he was a "Simple Man" without a lot of worldly possessions, so a little time and patience will work it all out.  I am going to the states to pack up his apartment and "Will" remind myself that life chooses certain situations and I am just a cog, one that will be running through it all. It is about 4 pm and by 5 pm I will have my running shoes on and be heading up the North Shore. If you see me tonight running or any other day for that matter, please know that as I run I am at times in a state of devotion, not unlike others flocking to churches and religions or the medicine cabinet for "Mothers Little Helpers". I have found my drug and it is available to me for free wherever I roam. Thanx and Be Well